It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
