did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
