I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
