I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
