I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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