i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
