please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
