so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
