I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
