every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
