During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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