Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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