i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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