he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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