If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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