You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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