Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
