i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
