OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
