Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
People in love make me want to vomit
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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