Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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