Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
