Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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