I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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