I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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