:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
