Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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