Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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