Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
