its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize