I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
