I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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