I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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