I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
