I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
