he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
