It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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