worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
