So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
