I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
