Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
