true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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