If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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