Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
