i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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