Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
