No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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