He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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