a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
