ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize