We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
