I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
