dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
