He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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