I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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