We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
