Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize