I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
