There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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